Valentine’s Day has finally arrived.
I know in my heart of hearts that every year at this time most women remember a special romantic time with flowers, candy, soft music and the one person they love.
But with men, I truly believe it is different. Valentine’s Day is generally not a pleasant time for us. For one thing, it is the day we don’t have sports, so there is nothing to hang a memory on. I mean it’s three weeks after the Super Bowl, a week before the NBA All-Star Game, and three weeks before March Madness kicks in. How are we supposed to remember it
Sure the NHL is going strong, but unless you speak Canadian, you are, pardon the pun, out in the cold, ay?
Granted, there is the NBA regular season, but for New Mexicans the initials stand for little more than Nothing But Angst.
But I must admit Valentines Day is kind of special for men. It is that day when wives expect us to “remember.”
Husbands know what that means. It always happens. A man and wife will be cuddled together on the couch (Valentine’s Day is one of the two days of the year when we will cuddle. The other is on our anniversaries, but men get equal time to go fishing on that day) and she will look into his eyes and ask trick questions like, “Do you remember our first Valentines’ Day together?”
As every married man knows there is no right answer to that question. The only person dumb enough “no” is probably willing to enter a sirloin steak look-alike contest at a pit bull convention or is a bachelor.
And if you answer “yes,” you know that just around the corner is the second question that always comes. “What do you remember most about it?”
There are a handful of different schools of thought when a man gets to this point in a Valentines’ Day conversation.
For heaven’s sake do not do what a good friend of mine did and rely on your memory. He recalled the candle light, soft music and prime rib at a secluded inn in Taos and went on and on about what a wonderful time he had had.
Unfortunately his wife had never been to Taos.
Personally, I prefer the, put your hand to your mouth, make gurgling sounds and run for the bathroom method. It’s gross, but it has been known to distract my wife from romantic questions until baseball’s spring training.
Another friend of mine suggests the best response to “What do you remember most about it to be, “You, of course.”
But he points out this can backfire when the lady in question responds, “What was so special about me that night?”
Unless you have a health and dental plan that is really excellent and you have been itching to try it out, don’t even think about answering that question.
Perhaps the safest response at that point is to look her square in the eye and say, “I don’t know, what do you think it was, my little duck-billed platypus?” and agree with her for the rest of the evening.
But then again, that’s generally my method of dealing with my wife about everything.
Isn’t it sweetheart? By the way, darling, my stomach is beginning to feel a little queasy, so I may have to lie down for about two weeks or so.