As you have discovered, the slave has kept me away from the computer for ages and would keep me away today if she weren’t otherwise occupied. When I say she is occupied, I really mean she is taking a nap and won’t be in here to bother me for the rest of the afternoon.
I’d like to thank those friends who have inquired about me lately. I know some of you don’t really like my column because you don’t like dogs, especially dogs who can write, but I wish you would read a few of my remarks so you would learn that I am a good pet and that I keep the slave in line when I’m not protecting her from intruders, such as lizards, grackles, and other dangers on this corner.
My main chore these days is to remind the slave to turn on the air conditioner so we can both be less miserable in hot weather, Actually, I don’t mind the heat as much as I detest the wind. The minute it begins to blow, I go into hiding because I’m just a little afraid of all the noise. I have a very private hiding place and don’t even answer when called if the rafters are rattling. That, of course, causes the slave to get a little irritated, but I don’t care as she should have sense enough to know that real danger exists when those gusts shake the whole house.
She really caused me to be upset when she decided to go to Hassell on a Sunday and didn’t bother to take me. She tried to tell me I would get too hot in the car, but I knew she just wanted to make me suffer and probably miss my Sunday walk. She told me she would be back in time for us to have our outing, but she isn’t always dependable, and I went into a decline.
For once, she kept her word and appeared in the late afternoon. When I read the news on her shoes, I knew she had also gone to the canyons without me and was ready to do some major sulking until she found my leash and said we were going out to play for a while.
Don’t tell her, but I would just as soon walk in the parks here in town as to have to ride for hours in the car before getting out to roam. I have never trusted cars even though I have quit becoming car sick. They really are dangerous and cause me to be frightened most of the time. I do, however, enjoy the cool air in them after we have romped around. Often, the slave even gives me a drink and pours a little cool water on my coat so that cool air really feels good. Once-in-a-while, the slave even tries to throw me into puddles of water, but I don’t like that as I might drown, and I know she can’t swim. Besides, I don’t like to get my paws muddy and have to listen to a lecture about trying to be just a little neat. When she tracks mud around, she doesn’t pay any attention to my protests and tells me her actions are different than mine. Go figure!
I hope she will let me play with the computer a little more often so we can do some visiting. I really like to keep in touch with my fan club and need to have you remind her that you want to read my columns more frequently. Be just a little careful, however, because she tends to get jealous when my fans tell her they think I write better than she does. We know I do, but she doesn’t need to know everything we know. Her snoring has stopped so I had better print this before she comes in and deletes all my words.