When the slave squeaked, “Aggie,” I knew she needed something so I ambled in to see what she wanted. Because she was pointing at the computer, I leapt onto the chair to begin writing this column before she could change her mind. She has had what she calls a cold and has been most difficult to be around, but I’ve done my best to make her feel better by being more demanding than usual.
She wouldn’t even go outside for a couple of days, and I knew she was missing her bird-watching activities. Besides, I had seen a strange title on a book in the book room — To Kill a Mockingbird. That rather intrigued me, so I raced to the backyard, killed one of those little dive bombers, took it to the back entrance, and demanded entrance so I could show her what I had done. How did I know she would have a major fit and would refuse to let me take that bundle of feathers into the house? I was very proud of my prey and certainly refused to let her remove it from my mouth. She knows better than to do that anyway because I have told her that no one tries to pry open my jaws without risking losing an arm or at least a few fingers.
She moved more rapidly than I thought she could and said a lot of words that hurt my ears. I just moved farther away and decided to lie quietly on the grass, hoping she would calm down and thank me for trying to show her my catch. I wasn’t about to put it down, and she wasn’t about to quit making a lot of noise. Finally, she tricked me one more time by showing me one of my favorite treats. For some reason, she had it on the porch out of my reach and then wandered away a few feet. I couldn’t resist the temptation and let the corpse fall to the ground while I went after the treat.
How did I know she could move that fast? Before I even began to chew, she had snatched my main prize and had disposed of it. I couldn’t believe she would do that to me and would say so many unkind words. She didn’t even take time to admire that prize as she placed it into a sack and took off to the alley. When she came back, she was still talking rapidly on the subject of song birds and the need to keep them alive. She wouldn’t have been talking that way if she had been dive bombed by them as many time as I have, but she wouldn’t listen to what I was say and left me outside for a very long time. I guess she finally cooled off because she invited me in to eat my supper and to let me do some of my chores, such as rearranging my toys and trying to entertain her. By then she had collapsed in her chair to sneeze and cough for the rest of the night, and I decided to go to another room to sleep and dream of the good time I had while ridding my yard of one more pest.
By the next morning, she was still complaining about that cold but seemed to have forgotten about being upset at me. I could tell that I should be on my best behavior so she wouldn’t lose her temper again and might even begin acting like a human being once she could quit coughing long enough to rest. I just stayed beside her chair and let her know that all was well by barking just about the time she would go to sleep. By the time Sunday came along, I knew she had to feel better because that is my day to go for a drive and a walk. She had rested for too many hours and needed to quit feeling sorry for herself.
After running back and forth to the door, I finally convinced her that we were going for our weekly outing, no matter what. Once we got into the car, she seemed to be in a better mood and even smiled at me for a change. We had a nice walk and she began to be much easier to be around. She is resting while I am writing this and should be ready to give me another treat when I finish. I guess I won’t bring her any more gifts for a while unless some varmint gets in my way. At any rate, she has let me tell my story and should give me my commission at the end of the month.