A concept — A holiday tree

TV Hagenah

Christmas has come and gone, well sort of gone.

Our Christmas Tree is still up and the lights on the house are still there too and if a person listens to my wife they would believe both the tree and the lights will be there until next Christmas.

I must say this is very unfair.

For instance, last year I had them down by….well, the tree I had down by the fourth. OK, OK it wasn’t the fourth of January, it was the Fourth of July, but you have to admit that is a far cry from Christmas this year. That’s a five month difference.

And as for the outdoor lights, they came down from our roof even earlier. You remember that bad wind we had in May?

The lights came down during that. Granted they got caught in my neighbor’s tree and wrapped around his cocker spaniel. But there was an upside to that too. You should have seen that dog blown around that tree. It was great. (It looked like some invisible beings were playing a kind of canine tether ball).

Actually, a few years ago, I tried to convince my wife that I purposely leave the tree up all year round and just change the theme of the tree as different holidays roll around.

I put red, white and blue streamers on for the Fourth of July, green things on for St. Patrick’s Day, and little red hearts on it for Valentine’s Day.

Really, it adds a whole festive level to the holidays that might not be there otherwise. I even considered letting the turkey thaw out under the tree to continue the theme for Thanksgiving, but I thought better of it.

It just wasn’t a good idea. It’s hard enough to convince our dog that the words “Christmas Tree” are not just another human term for “indoor toilet for the dog”, but we didn’t need anything to convince him “Thanksgiving Tree” is another word for ‘Time for supper.”

We used to use a real tree for our Christmas tree, but I found that along about Easter, the Easter Tree looked more like the Easter Stick. That sort of defeats the whole concept of a first real holiday of spring symbolizing the rebirth of nature.

Thus it was a couple years ago, I broke down and bought a plastic tree. At first my wife was very supportive of the idea. Then I brought home a pink tree, and strangely, my wife was not overly enthusiastic about the color.

Her initial question was, “Are you an idiot?”

I think that’s what they call a rhetorical question.

“Why are you buying a pink tree?” she next asked.

“Well…” I responded, “you can see the garlands better..” Which I thought was a pretty logical response.

Between her screams and things being thrown, I deduced that her subtle message was she did not like the pink tree, nor it turned out, did she like the lavender one nor the chartreuse one.

At that point she went to the store herself and brought home (are you ready for this?) a green one.

I tried to explain to her I have nothing against green trees for Christmas but really, how will the garlands of lettuce, peas and cucumbers stand out against a “green” tree. It is completely illogical.

You know one of the worst parts of a discussion like this around the Christmas holidays? There are just too many things around to be thrown.

I dodged the little plaster Santa Claus and the plastic snowman and even the nativity scene Joseph but she caught me right between the eyes with one of the three wise men. I think it was the one carrying the myrrh. What is myrrh anyway?

But all that is in the past now. Now I have to start coming up with the next decorations. I mean what is the right way to decorate a Martin Luther King Day Tree any way? How about a President’s Day tree?