Windy days spent better inside with toys

By Lynn Moncus: QCS columnist

The slave said, “Aggie, you may write the first column in 2006.” Well, I’m not really sure what those numbers mean, but I am sitting here at the computer so I can visit with my fan club.

Actually, I think the slave is still tired after our walk on New Year’s Day because if she hadn’t taken me along to use as anchor, she’d have blown clear to Texas. I had all I could do to keep her on the ground because she kept hitting the end of the leash and sailing around in the air just like a kite. If I hadn’t planted my four paws firmly, I might be writing this column every week from now on. I tried to tell her the wind was blowing too hard for anyone to be out in it, but she pretends to be very knowledgeable because she has a whole batch of college degrees. What a laugh! Those pieces of paper aren’t even worth taking the time to chew up, but I let her think they are important so she won’t realize just how much she didn’t learn, such as even a modicum of common sense.

At least she came to her senses before we had walked very far from the car. After all, we were heading right into the wind and weren’t making much headway. She’d take one step forward and two steps backward because she couldn’t place her feet on the ground and really looked quite comical. She said we had better return to the car and turned just as a big gust hit and almost blew us passed it. I was having a very hard time because I couldn’t see very well when we were walking into it and couldn’t see at all when we turned because all my hair fell over my face and almost blinded me. She told me I looked funny, but I kept quiet about how she looked with that awful bun blowing in all directions and hair pins shooting out kind of like darts. I was laughing so hard that I ran into the front of the car and bruised my nose.

I have tried to tell her how dangerous wind is, but she pays no attention. I usually hear it coming long before she does and run to my favorite corner behind the bed. I try to remain there until it stops, but she makes me go outside sometimes or thinks I should eat. If it blows all day and all night as it has several times lately, I just stay in my corner as long as she will let me. If I’m really scared, I jump into the bathtub and lie there until she yells at me when she turns on the light and sees me. I don’t know why that causes her to yell, but she usually delivers a lecture about my scaring her silly when she isn’t expecting to see me in my comfortable hiding place. Surely, most people are brighter than she!

I really have been trying to be nice to the slave because she gave me a lot of toys and treats for Christmas. I just love to help her open packages on Christmas morning because we have such fun playing and eating. I have tried to tell her we could do that many times each year instead of just once, but she doesn’t think that is a good idea, She said that would spoil some of the fun, but I know she is just too stingy to make every day special.

When you see her, you might explain a few things about the joy of giving and also about staying inside during wind storms. I really do like to receive her gifts, but I don’t particularly enjoy being her anchor. You might also mention that she should let me write a lot of columns this year. I could use that money to buy myself some toys!