Of phones and sandwiches

By Kevin Wilson

Most weeks, I’ve got a great idea that I can bore my readers about for at least 500 words.

That being said, this isn’t one of those weeks. Instead, this is a week of four really good ideas that are just below the mark of deserving their own column.

Enjoy:

• I was on my cell phone recently, talking with a friend. It was five minutes to the hour, and she asked if she could call back on the hour so she could take advantage of free night minutes during our conversation. I had no problem with that. Here is a transcript of the conversation, edited to make me sound wittier:

Me: Hey.

Her: Hello. Hey, I’m going to go out to eat with a friend, but I can call you later if you want.

Me: You waited five minutes to tell me that?

Her: Well, I did want to tell you that we could talk later, but I wanted to let you know that I was going out to eat and would be busy.

Me: So why didn’t you tell me on the first call, instead of wasting all of that time to give me the whole “free night minutes” speech? Then I wouldn’t have had to wait for you to call me to tell me you couldn’t talk.

I’m considering calling her phone company and requesting those minutes count against her.

• I got another phone call, but not from somebody I’d really call a friend. It was a marketing call from a local movie rental place — I won’t say which place it is, but “Gallery” is in the title. The manager said I hadn’t been in the store in a while (blame that on the lackluster movies of 2005, which are now the lackluster rentals of 2006), and I had received a free rental credit on my account because they missed me.

Wow, receiving something because I haven’t spent any money there recently … I hope the Lexus dealerships are paying attention to this marketing technique, because a particular column writer wouldn’t mind an LS 400.

• I try not to dictate how people should live their lives, but I can offer this piece of advice, which has always helped me in my life. When you are at Subway and you order the combo meal to go, take the option of two cookies instead of a bag of chips as your side item. About half of the time, you’ll forget you had the cookies (since the cookie packaging matches the napkins and blends in, while a yellow bag of potato chips does not) until you’re about to throw the bag away and realize it’s too heavy.

At that point, you’ll say to yourself, “Oh yeah, I have cookies,” and you’ll be in a better mood, because nowhere in recorded history has somebody said, “Oh yeah, I have cookies,” while not smiling.

• While I’m on the topic of Subway, I’ve always wondered just how many ways you could have a sandwich at that restaurant. According to the company’s Web site, there are nearly 2 million different ways you can have a sandwich, depending on the bread and what cheese or toppings you choose or decline.

I just have this strange feeling that somewhere, some guy is actually taking his own time to list each different option and assign it a number (i.e. sandwich No. 578,234 is a six-inch cold cut on wheat bread with bell peppers, olives and honey mustard).

I hope I never run into this man.

Kevin Wilson is the interim managing editor of the Quay County Sun. He can be reached at 461-1952 or by e-mail:
kevin_wilson@link.freedom.com