By Ryn Gargulinski: QCS Columnist
It’s that time of year to thank one of the most important people in the world — mommy dearest. After all, if not for her, we wouldn’t be here in the first place. This fact, sadly, is frequently twisted and used against her by the angry teen who screams about not asking to be born.
But Mother’s Day is certainly not a time for anger — unless, of course, you make the same faux pas I did on my mother’s birthday and send an e-card.
Since the e-card incident, brought to my attention by Dad who sent me a stern “No e-card for Mother’s Day” message earlier this week, I’ve been researching the best gifts to get for one’s mother.
Nothing fancy is necessary, but something heartfelt. A whopping 77 percent of moms said their favorite gift ever was the homemade cards from their children. That tally rose to 99 percent if their children, in fact, happened to be artists.
The moms polled also expressed a firm non-desire for breakfast in bed, since this fiasco usually results in burnt toast, runny eggs and a kitchen that needs three times the cleaning it normally does.
The important thing, however, is the gesture. But there are many other ways to make that same heartfelt gesture without ruining a Teflon pan.
A New Mexico mom has a special slew of gift options, since she’s housed in the Land of Enchantment. To keep the enchantment going, one can create a variety of artistic masterpieces using debris off the land.
This includes wild grass bouquets, cow skull wall hangings and tumbleweed table centerpieces (although one may want to save the tumbleweeds to create Christmas trees later in the year).
Livestock is also a good choice, but only if the mom lives in a rural enough area to accommodate it. Animals — like goats — don’t work well inside the house, as we found out during a rainstorm last year when we had to save them from a flood.
And we’re not talking a pig or a cow or any other animal that could be construed as insulting. Perhaps a chicken would work best. This would also serve to save the slew of baby chicks that have since been ignored by some young kid the day after he received one for Easter.
Another excellent Mother’s Day livestock option is a side of the finest beef. This works best when it’s served at the finest restaurant under candlelight, of course.
And no gift would say “I love you” more than a baby goat.
The goat, of course, is not to eat, nor is it to be kept in the house, but it is a gorgeous tottering critter mom can nurture and help grow.
Nothing is more delightful than the small, fuzzy bah-ing thing that will make mom’s heart melt and forgive past sins, even the screaming teen years.
The goat could also serve to fill that hole in mom’s heart as the incarnation of a child who has since moved away.
Of course, the goat won’t work if mom remodeled your bedroom the minute you stepped out of it with a suitcase. Something in that scenario indicates she is surely not suffering from an empty nest.
Maybe it’s best just to give a drawing of the livestock on a handmade card.
Just because a mom lives in rural New Mexico does not mean she is only interested in things to do with livestock, just like my mom who lives in Michigan isn’t only interested in things related to cars.
Although a car itself is a gift that will seldom be frowned upon (unless it guzzles gas).
In fact, one chap I spoke with during the gift survey said a car was what his dad ended up buying to atone to his mother after the dad screwed up by gifting mom with a vacuum cleaner.
And I thought the e-card was bad.
Flowers will usually work as a gift, better yet if they’re picked yourself from a neighbor’s prize-wining rose garden, and fine chocolate can never make most women mad.
Whatever the gift, just make sure it’s on time and accompanied by a hug. And also make sure it neither moos nor oinks, is not sent through cyberspace and its main function is not to suck up dirt.
Ryn Gargulinksi writes for Freedom Newspapers of New Mexico. Contact her at: