Dreams often offer an escape from our day-to-day lives. My dreams of late have been borderline nightmares. Now some experts say dreams are the manifestation of our subconscious mind projecting our own guilt, fears and worries.
Now at this point in my life I have a few worries, fears and some guilt on my mind. Then again, who doesn’t?
It may help if I take the time to tell you about one of my dreams. I keep a notebook by my bed and write down what I can remember. Thanks to my years of journalistic pursuits I tend to write things down a lot. For people that know me, that will not be much of a surprise as they often joke I never shut up.
So let’s take a trip into the psyche of Thomas. Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.
There are several clocks. They range in sizes and shapes and some are twisted and deformed. The clocks are digital and analog. The room is filled with the constant ticking of the clocks.
As I make my way through the room, the ticking begins to ware on me and I cover my ears. The clocks reach four o’clock and bells, chimes and beeps begin to sound off.
I rush out of the room through the only door in my path, only to find myself waist deep in a black, murky substance. It’s not water, sand or mud. I try to turn to the doorway, feeling the racket would be better than feeling stuck. The door behind me shuts close and the black substance begins to rise around me. It moves quickly, and the more I struggle, the faster it rises.
As I go under, I feel a pull from beneath and begin to thrash about. I have no vision. My arms and legs are useless. I feel helpless as I put forth my best efforts, but to no avail.
Engulfed by darkness and powerless to break free, my heart races though I cannot scream as I am holding my breath. My lungs begin to burn. Right as I give in and scream, I wake up.
It takes me a moment to get my bearings. I lay back down, trying to slow my heart rate and salvage what is left of the night for rest.
I’ve had some time to think about the dream and have come to a conclusion which best explains it to me. I had been avoiding certain feelings, suppressing them down in an effort to continue on whilst trying to forget or avoid dealing with them altogether.
Dreams, like life, often have instances where nothing goes the way you plan. You do what you feel is right, continue along a path and sometimes find yourself lost or in over your head.
Perhaps my unconscious mind had been fighting the battle alone long enough and felt it was time to bring me into the fight. Sounds crazy, right? Yeah, it does to me, too.
I did not want to recognize that my problems were causing me harm, or that I had a problem at all.
When I think about it, my denial was very much like the lyric in one of my favorite songs, “I will be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud.”
I had to help myself. If I didn’t, I was bound to drown. As clumsy as I had been, no one was laughing, least of all me.