Visitor quickly outwears welcome

Russell Anglin

My Tuesday was made a little less pleasant by an unwanted house guest.

I met the intruder during the noon hour in my bathroom. I was fortunate enough to have my glance turned downward as an orange-red centipede quickly crawled under my bathroom door, making hideous zig-zag movements and scurrying under a cabinet. It quickly abandoned its cover, making a mad dash for my feet. Those things are so fast.

My first thought was to jump on top of the sink and scream frantically, but instead I stomped the antagonistic arthropod under my boot. Thank goodness I had my boots on.

Everything about centipedes is disgusting, right down to the crunch and squish they project when stepped on. They’re awfully resilient, too, as it took multiple stomps for my unwelcome company to stop moving.

I love most animals. If I see a cricket in my apartment, I will scoop it up and take it outside. Not centipedes, though. They die automatically.

For one thing, just look at them. They are absolutely repugnant in every respect. Some people have pet lizards, even snakes, that they are able to feel affection toward. People even have ant farms. Nobody has a centipede farm. At least they better not.

Apparently centipedes are good for eliminating spiders and other insects around the house, but I think I would take spiders over centipedes any old day.

After my encounter, I looked up information online to try and find out how to prevent, or at least reverse, a centipede infestation in my home. What I found instead was a video on YouTube of a giant centipede killing and eating a mouse. Yes, a mouse. The centipede must have measured a foot in length. I guess I can go ahead and cancel my meal plans for the next few days. I am mortified that such a horrendous creature actually exists.

In any case, I think I may be sleeping in the office until I do some serious bug spraying and close examination of my living quarters. I would rather have a stiff back in the morning than have to deal with a 54-legged, venomous, primeval bedfellow.

And I’m putting my foot down on that.