There are globally astute, politically tuned, conscientiously correct people who watch C-Span and write letters to the editor.
When the letter “A” is flashed before their eyes they immediately think Ahmadinejad (president of Iran), ambassador or Al Gore. Whereas when I see the letter “A,” my mind brings up anteater, all-terrain-vehicle, and artichoke.
“B” to the world’s elite envisions Belarus, Bush and buckle your seatbelt. Me? Bass boat, bag balm, border collies and bay horses. Oh, and beer.
Them: C for Congress, conspiracy and caviar. Us: Credit card, cowboy boots, and wild cow milking.
Them: D for Department of Defense, doctor and docent. Us: Dunkin’ Donuts, deal the cards and double wide.
Them: E for efficient, educational and entitlement. Us: Eggs and bacon, epoxy and entrepreneur.
Them: Frugal and Barney Frank. Us: Flat-out broke, flunked algebra and fishing.
Them: Government, the G-7 and Gucci. Us: Gum, guns and gravy.
Them: Health care, Halston, Hillary and House of Representatives. Us: High five, Hank the cowdog, horses and hunting pheasant.
Them: Income tax and international envoy. Us: Independence and International Harvester.
Them: Jurisprudence, Japanese yen and John McCain. Us: Joe the Plumber, Jack in the Box and Judge Judy.
Them: 401K, North Korea, Kuwait. Us: Kitchen, Krispy Kreme.
Legislative, licensed and lobbyist vs. licking the cake beaters and Lotto tickets.
Money, monuments, MBA and Meatless Monday vs. monkey wrench, mashed potatoes and muddy boots.
Them: Notoriety, nose job and newshound. Us: National Finals
Rodeo, NASCAR and square knot.
Them: Obama and International Order. Us: Oreos and offsides.
Them: World power. Us: Poker Tournament on ESPN.
Quality vs. Q-tips.
Regulation vs. regular coffee.
Government service vs. drive-in service.
Tehran vs. trout stream.
United Nations vs. Uncle Ben’s Rice.
Vice-president What’s his Name vs. Vanna White.
World peace vs. hot wings.
Xeriscaping vs. marks the spot where you are on the mall map.
The letter “Y” for them: Yelling at politicians. For us: Yawning at politicians
And the letter “Z” for them: Zipping back and forth like water skippers. Us: sawing zzzzzzzzzzzz.
At least we have both sides covered.
Baxter Black is a self-described cowboy poet, ex-veterinarian and sorry team roper. He can be contacted at 1-800-654-2550 or by e-mail at: firstname.lastname@example.org