Trump's Constitution doesn't match


May 8, 2019

The Constitution according to President Donald Trump:

The Pre-Ramble

Me, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union (the MOST PERFECT EVER), establish Justice against WITCH HUNTS, insure domestic Tranquility but not Health Care, provide for the common Defense with a WALL, promote the general Welfare but not Welfare in general, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourself and our Prosperity, do ordain and establish this Constitution ... yadda yadda.

• The president is elected by the people, so I am the people. I can say whatever I want and you can’t, because you aren’t the president. I’m the only one who can and it’s tremendous. My opinion carries weight about everything, from show business to fire-fighting to the Navy ships. The less I know, the greater my opinion matters.

• Congress and the Supreme Court are co-equal branches of government. They can agree with the president any way they like.

• The president is more co-equal than those other two branches if they dare to question the president or my greatness.

• The Senate can investigate Crooked Hillary. They like me.

• The House of Reprehensibles (Clever, huh? Jared taught me that one.) can’t investigate me because they are ruled by Crooked Hillary. Real people didn’t elect them. Democrats did. Massive voter fraud. Terrible.

• No witch hunts. Witch hunts are any “investigations” (I use quote marks to show sarcasm. GENIUS!) that are based on the phony notion that the current president can do anything questionable. Horrible. Very bad.

• Freedom of expression: As president, anything I say is true because it was me, the GREATEST HEAD OF STATE IN HISTORY, who said it. Like Congress and the Supreme Court, the REAL people can agree with me in any way they like. They’re tremendous. Media who ask those not-nice FAKE NEWS questions are non-human ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE. Religion? Everybody but me needs to choose between Netanyahu Jewish or Huckabee Christian. I don’t have to because they’ll like me anyway.

• The right to bear arms: Yep. The tremendous NRA voted for me. As long as I have armed guards and very fine people who will use guns in my name, hey, it’s OK. This is not promoting violence. Not at all. I hate violence. Very bad.

• The 14th Amendment. There are that many? Oh yeah, rights, due process — yadda yadda. We need a WALL to keep America looking like Long Island and the suburbs and keep out those people who keep demanding rights.

• You mean there are 27 amendments? I, a genius, can’t follow all this, let alone the stupid Congress. We need to investigate the Democrats who let this happen. Horrible.

• Presidential overreach like Obama did shouldn’t be allowed. I can overstep Congress because I have ACHIEVED MORE GREAT THINGS THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT. Tremendous things. Very fine things..

• The president is allowed to make GREAT foreign policy decisions to favor foreign leaders who say nice things about me.

• Rights are based on loyalty. That’s the “Rule of Law.”

Steve Hansen writes about our life and times from his perspective of a semi-retired Tucumcari journalist. Contact him at:

[email protected]


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